Funny Divorce Quotes [From LAUGHING To WINNING]

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Get Over It With Our Funny Divorce Quotes With Images That Will Make You Laugh And Giggle All Day Long. All Quotes Come With Shareable Pictures.

All people have their own views on marriage. And while some oppose commitment in this way, others consider it a sacred institution that comes to a person as a completely normal sequence of events in life.

Whether you are a member of one group or another, it is irrelevant, because it is important to live according to your own beliefs. In the meantime, read what many famous and historical figures said about marriage, that is, how he inspired many with funny, silly, and, above all, humorous statements.

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Funny Divorce Sayings

You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it | Henry Youngman

To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while | James Caan

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money | Johnny Carson

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed | Jay Leno

My wife and I are preemptively making a list of whose side we’ll take when all our friends get divorced | Gonzo

Whoever said Marriage is a 50-50 proposition laid the foundation for more divorce fees than any other short sentence in our language | Austin Elliot

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? | Rita Rudner

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never | Jack Benny

Funny Divorce Jokes

I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year | Bette Davis

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her | Woody Allen

You always wanted a clean tidy home | ZsaZsa Gabor

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left | Jean Kerr

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do | Zsa Zsa Gabor

I got divorced recently. It was a mixed marriage. I’m human, he’s Klingon | Carol Leifer

I’m not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow | Roseanne Barr

Funny quotes about divorce and moving on

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death | Heinrich Heine

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury | Rodney Dangerfield

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce | P.J. O’Rourke

Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet | Robin Williams

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing | Craig Ferguson

You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court | Norman Mailer

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you | Margaret Atwood

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Funny Separation Phrases

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones | Joan Rivers

Instead of getting married again, I’m just going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house | Lewis Grizzard

The happiest time of anyone’s life is just after the first divorce | John Kenneth Galbraith

Just another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified | J. B. Handelsman

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. | Wendy Liebman

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass | Mary Kay Blakely

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce | Don Quinn

Today, it is easier to get divorced in most states than to get a transmission repaired properly | Dave Barry

How to overcome the crisis after divorce

On the scale of stressful events, divorce is in second place, immediately after the death of a close family member. Therefore, a way needs to be found to deal with difficult emotions.

Divorce is almost always a very stressful life event, marked by disappointment resulting from betrayed expectations by the partner, the marriage, and even oneself. According to the scale of stressful life events (Holmes and Rahe), divorce is in a high second place, immediately after the death of the spouse or child.

It is not surprising, therefore, that many who have gone through a divorce describe the process as a form of “old life” death and many things they knew and took for granted until then.

Children need to be helped with processing the divorce

Also, in addition to the emotional shipwreck described, the stress stems from the inevitable changes that follow. Changes in place of residence, economic changes, changes in the social environment, changes in the way we live with children…

For most, these changes are frightening. The third major aggravating circumstance is the legal challenges that require time and energy. Therefore, in a large number of cases, it takes years for a person to return to a level of functioning that he or she deems satisfactory.

The reasons for a divorce?

Of course, there is no single answer to the question of why divorce occurs. Scientists in various studies emphasize the factor of “last drop that overflows the glass” (this, for example, can be a partner’s deception) as opposed to long-term “slow burnout” (this classification would include inappropriate communication or different interests of partners).

However, it seems that the frequent reasons for divorce are infidelity, insufficient commitment to the partner/marriage, and incompatibility with the partner.

What to do after that divorce decision?

As we have said, divorce is emotional, but also legally and logistically very stressful event, so it takes a lot of courage to get involved in its process. At least one, and most often both partners will go through periods of self-doubt, doubt in the correctness of the decision they made.

What is necessary for both partners after the divorce decision is to have a set of skills and insights that will alleviate or reduce the conflicts that may arise after this decision.

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